And why saying "Baby, we need to talk..." won't actually help.
My husband and I* find ourselves in the same type of argument, over and over again. Rinse and repeat. It goes a little like this: >> I bring up something that’s bothering me. (It doesn’t matter how gently or carefully I say it.) >> He immediately gets defensive. >> I get frustrated that he’s being…
https://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/AdobeStock_140431758-scaled.jpeg13672048Tamara Slocumhttps://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngTamara Slocum2021-08-24 12:26:562022-11-21 11:49:55The #1 Thing That Can Secretly Ruin Your Marriage
You won't believe how it benefits you, your spouse, and your relationship!
Compassion is important in marriage! Did you know that there’s a whole science behind compassion in relationships? Seriously! Ok, bear with me, even if you’re not a researchy-geek like me (I promise I won’t make this sound like your high school chemistry book.) Because compassion is majorly important in marriages, even more so than you…
https://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Untitled-1-01-2.png5001200Chris Ownbyhttps://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngChris Ownby2021-08-10 09:45:532021-09-21 13:01:28Why Compassion is One of the Most Important Qualities in a Healthy Marriage
I think one partner in every marriage has heard or thought the phrase, “You don’t care.” I’ve learned to interpret that in my own marriage like this: I’m not showing any compassion. Compassion is where empathy meets action. It’s the difference between caring and showing care. You want your spouse to know you can feel…
https://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Untitled-1-01-1.png5001200Reggie Madisonhttps://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngReggie Madison2021-08-10 09:30:092021-12-10 09:23:34How to Be More Compassionate to Your Spouse
A solid foundation can help couples handle whatever comes their way.
Our closest friends just got married. My wife and I grabbed dinner with them a few weeks ago, and it reminded me of how fun (and frustrating) being newlyweds can be. Our friends are clearly in a season of re-learning everything they thought they knew about marriage and each other. Seeing this reminded me of…
Knowing who you are individually and together can make you stronger.
We’re all wired differently, and the differences are never more evident than in marriage. While navigating differences in relationships can present challenges, you’ll go deeper as your relationship grows and you become a student of your spouse. Couples often encounter differences when one spouse is introverted and the other is extroverted. This can be a pretty…
https://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/Untitled-1-01-2.png5001200Mitchell Quallshttps://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngMitchell Qualls2021-07-16 12:42:272021-08-24 13:50:20What Introverts Married to Extroverts Need to Know
These tricks can help you understand and appreciate each other!
I’m sure you want to understand and appreciate your spouse, and it can be hard sometimes. But I’m here to tell you: When extroverts are married to introverts, it can be a good thing — a great thing, even! You just have to figure a few things out and appreciate your differences. My spouse and…
https://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/Untitled-5-01-2.png5001200Gena Ellishttps://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngGena Ellis2021-07-13 11:30:422021-07-16 11:11:39Tips for Extroverts Married to Introverts
Here are two important things you can do right now.
Let me state the obvious and say it’s been a rough year or so. With the outbreak of the COVID-19 pandemic, reality has come the closest it’s ever been to a sci-fi novel. And it’s literally messed with our heads. Society as a whole experienced a significant uptick in relationship and mental health issues. And…
https://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/Untitled-5-01.png5001200Chris Ownbyhttps://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngChris Ownby2021-07-06 15:49:492021-07-16 11:44:17How to Help Your Spouse With Post-Pandemic Anxiety
A successful marriage may require you to adjust what you expect.
Dear Newlywed, How was the wedding? Did you enjoy the reception? Were all of your friends and family there to watch you join your life with your true love? Did you get to go on the honeymoon of your dreams? Or maybe you are planning it after all of the restrictions are lifted? Now that…
https://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/Untitled-2-01.png5001200Gena Ellishttps://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngGena Ellis2021-07-06 10:11:042021-07-16 12:06:41Newlywed Expectations Not Being Met in Marriage
To the husband who hurt his wife: Marriage is tough, and we all make mistakes. I’ve made some big ones in my marriage. I don’t know what mistake you made or what you did to hurt your wife, but I do know this: You have a chance to save your marriage. Choosing to do so…
https://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/Untitled-18-01.png5001200Mitchell Quallshttps://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngMitchell Qualls2021-07-01 14:31:062021-07-16 12:47:12To the Husband Who Hurt His Wife
Find out what you can and can't do about the green-eyed monster called jealousy.
You may look at your life and say: Money’s decent. Job is stable — good social life. I get along with lots of people. I’m winning. But somehow, you still feel like you’re losing. Why? Because if your spouse is jealous of you, it can feel like it’s ruining your marriage. That’s a tough place…
https://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/Untitled-10-01.png5001200Reggie Madisonhttps://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngReggie Madison2021-06-28 14:48:502021-07-16 12:38:27My Spouse is Jealous of Me and It’s Ruining My Marriage
There may be more to apology than just saying the words.
I’m sorry. Let’s face it — these two little words are packed with meaning, depending on the situation. I’m sorry I screwed up. I’m sorry you feel that way. I am sorry, but it wasn’t my fault. I’m sorry you’re a jerk. Apologies matter in marriage. But we know all apologies aren’t equal. It’s not…
https://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/Untitled-6-01-2.png5001200Chris Ownbyhttps://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngChris Ownby2021-06-25 10:23:022021-07-16 12:22:34Should You Apologize to Your Spouse for Something You Didn’t Do?
Use these tips to move toward the relationship you want.
You want a marriage where you both work together and are free to be yourselves. However, if your freedom to think and make decisions that reflect your ideas and desires is a little, well, stifled, you may be feeling manipulated. Nobody wants to feel that way. If that’s the case, you’re probably wondering how to…
https://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/Untitled-17-01.png8542048Reggie Madisonhttps://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngReggie Madison2021-06-21 16:45:052022-02-10 11:31:34How to Deal with Manipulation in Your Marriage
Arguments can feel like a chess match. You both strategically state your case like seasoned lawyers, presenting key evidence to prove you are right. Other times it’s more like a boxing match, verbally duking it out, and sometimes coming away emotionally cut and bruised. Disagreements happen in marriage. It’s normal. But there are healthy and…
https://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/Conflict-01.png10422500Chris Ownbyhttps://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngChris Ownby2021-06-10 13:42:112021-08-24 11:55:418 Things You Should Never Do During an Argument With Your Spouse
Build intimacy, connect and do life well together.
How’d you get stuck in a sex rut? It’s just life. It’s normal and to be expected. More importantly, how do you get out? You know, fun, passionate, surprising, and playful sex! Here are some tips to keep sex healthy, hot, and happenin’ in your marriage. 1. Talk About Sex. This is the gateway right…
https://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/5-Tips-To-Keep-Sex-Healthy-In-Your-Marriage0A-01.png8542048John Daumhttps://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJohn Daum2021-06-02 13:53:432021-11-10 14:02:285 Tips To Keep Sex Healthy In Your Marriage
When you both bring your whole and best selves to the table, your relationship benefits.
When I first sat down to write this blog, I asked myself, “Why me? Why am I writing a blog on how to understand a strong-willed spouse?” The answer followed quickly: “YOU ARE A STRONG-WILLED SPOUSE.” I must confess this is true. I was a strong-willed child who now is a strong-willed spouse, and I…
Let’s be clear about one thing: It’s inappropriate to talk negatively or disclose sensitive personal details about anyone behind their back. We have words for this sort of behavior: Gossip. Slander. Badmouthing. Talkin’ sh… mack. When your spouse does this to you, it feels extra hurtful and violating. When your spouse’s words find their way…
https://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/GossipySpousePic-01-2.png10722048John Daumhttps://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJohn Daum2021-05-27 10:08:012022-08-25 14:44:43What to Do When Your Spouse Talks Badly About You Behind Your Back
Connect, grow, and course-correct. Your marriage will thank you!
In your marriage, have you ever: Let an issue fester to the point it felt impossible to talk about? Left the kids somewhere because you thought your spouse would get them? Worked late and forgot an important family event? Been disappointed about something but never stopped to work through it? Staying on the same page…
https://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/flavia-gava-ul6CnGAlQRM-unsplash-scaled.jpg8772048Reggie Madisonhttps://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngReggie Madison2021-04-29 11:49:092021-08-25 11:41:45Steps to a Productive Marriage Check-In
It starts with a desire to see them happy, at peace, and connected.
What Does It Mean to Put Your Spouse First? I remember the conversation like it was yesterday. The Puzzled Look on my daughter’s face turned to a smile, and then came the proverbial rolling of the eyes (and that’s a good thing). Here’s the conversation: Daughter: You’re really not going to be at our basketball…
https://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/pexels-jonathan-borba-6520595.jpg8522048Reggie Madisonhttps://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngReggie Madison2021-04-28 16:39:282022-08-04 12:20:59What Does It Mean to Put Your Spouse First?
Married, yet hiding from your spouse. Such is life when you don’t feel emotional safety in your marriage. There are parts of you, your personality, dreams, feelings, or thoughts, locked inside, unavailable to your spouse. Exposing them puts you at risk for rejection, criticism, or neglect. You don’t wanna live like this anymore. You want…
https://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/marc-a-sporys-wHaQ4XJ9SgY-unsplash-1-scaled.jpg8922048Reggie Madisonhttps://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngReggie Madison2021-04-20 13:31:122022-04-25 11:34:29What To Do When Your Marriage Lacks Emotional Safety
These questions can help you find the right counselor.
The hero saves the princess. He rescues her from the evil stepmother, eternal sleep, or whatever danger she faces. With one kiss, they live happily ever after. That was the childhood goal, right? Happily ever after? What the stories failed to tell us is that happily ever after doesn’t just happen. My wife and I…
https://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/pexels-gabriel-bastelli-1759823.jpg13652048Mitchell Quallshttps://courses.firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngMitchell Qualls2021-04-06 11:07:452021-05-20 12:39:59How to Find a Counselor Who Will Fight for Your Marriage
The #1 Thing That Can Secretly Ruin Your Marriage
My husband and I* find ourselves in the same type of argument, over and over again. Rinse and repeat. It goes a little like this: >> I bring up something that’s bothering me. (It doesn’t matter how gently or carefully I say it.) >> He immediately gets defensive. >> I get frustrated that he’s being…
Why Compassion is One of the Most Important Qualities in a Healthy Marriage
Compassion is important in marriage! Did you know that there’s a whole science behind compassion in relationships? Seriously! Ok, bear with me, even if you’re not a researchy-geek like me (I promise I won’t make this sound like your high school chemistry book.) Because compassion is majorly important in marriages, even more so than you…
How to Be More Compassionate to Your Spouse
I think one partner in every marriage has heard or thought the phrase, “You don’t care.” I’ve learned to interpret that in my own marriage like this: I’m not showing any compassion. Compassion is where empathy meets action. It’s the difference between caring and showing care. You want your spouse to know you can feel…
13 Tips for Newlyweds
Our closest friends just got married. My wife and I grabbed dinner with them a few weeks ago, and it reminded me of how fun (and frustrating) being newlyweds can be. Our friends are clearly in a season of re-learning everything they thought they knew about marriage and each other. Seeing this reminded me of…
What Introverts Married to Extroverts Need to Know
We’re all wired differently, and the differences are never more evident than in marriage. While navigating differences in relationships can present challenges, you’ll go deeper as your relationship grows and you become a student of your spouse. Couples often encounter differences when one spouse is introverted and the other is extroverted. This can be a pretty…
Tips for Extroverts Married to Introverts
I’m sure you want to understand and appreciate your spouse, and it can be hard sometimes. But I’m here to tell you: When extroverts are married to introverts, it can be a good thing — a great thing, even! You just have to figure a few things out and appreciate your differences. My spouse and…
How to Help Your Spouse With Post-Pandemic Anxiety
Let me state the obvious and say it’s been a rough year or so. With the outbreak of the COVID-19 pandemic, reality has come the closest it’s ever been to a sci-fi novel. And it’s literally messed with our heads. Society as a whole experienced a significant uptick in relationship and mental health issues. And…
Newlywed Expectations Not Being Met in Marriage
Dear Newlywed, How was the wedding? Did you enjoy the reception? Were all of your friends and family there to watch you join your life with your true love? Did you get to go on the honeymoon of your dreams? Or maybe you are planning it after all of the restrictions are lifted? Now that…
To the Husband Who Hurt His Wife
To the husband who hurt his wife: Marriage is tough, and we all make mistakes. I’ve made some big ones in my marriage. I don’t know what mistake you made or what you did to hurt your wife, but I do know this: You have a chance to save your marriage. Choosing to do so…
My Spouse is Jealous of Me and It’s Ruining My Marriage
You may look at your life and say: Money’s decent. Job is stable — good social life. I get along with lots of people. I’m winning. But somehow, you still feel like you’re losing. Why? Because if your spouse is jealous of you, it can feel like it’s ruining your marriage. That’s a tough place…
Should You Apologize to Your Spouse for Something You Didn’t Do?
I’m sorry. Let’s face it — these two little words are packed with meaning, depending on the situation. I’m sorry I screwed up. I’m sorry you feel that way. I am sorry, but it wasn’t my fault. I’m sorry you’re a jerk. Apologies matter in marriage. But we know all apologies aren’t equal. It’s not…
How to Deal with Manipulation in Your Marriage
You want a marriage where you both work together and are free to be yourselves. However, if your freedom to think and make decisions that reflect your ideas and desires is a little, well, stifled, you may be feeling manipulated. Nobody wants to feel that way. If that’s the case, you’re probably wondering how to…
8 Things You Should Never Do During an Argument With Your Spouse
Arguments can feel like a chess match. You both strategically state your case like seasoned lawyers, presenting key evidence to prove you are right. Other times it’s more like a boxing match, verbally duking it out, and sometimes coming away emotionally cut and bruised. Disagreements happen in marriage. It’s normal. But there are healthy and…
5 Tips To Keep Sex Healthy In Your Marriage
How’d you get stuck in a sex rut? It’s just life. It’s normal and to be expected. More importantly, how do you get out? You know, fun, passionate, surprising, and playful sex! Here are some tips to keep sex healthy, hot, and happenin’ in your marriage. 1. Talk About Sex. This is the gateway right…
5 Tips for Understanding Your Strong-Willed Spouse
When I first sat down to write this blog, I asked myself, “Why me? Why am I writing a blog on how to understand a strong-willed spouse?” The answer followed quickly: “YOU ARE A STRONG-WILLED SPOUSE.” I must confess this is true. I was a strong-willed child who now is a strong-willed spouse, and I…
What to Do When Your Spouse Talks Badly About You Behind Your Back
Let’s be clear about one thing: It’s inappropriate to talk negatively or disclose sensitive personal details about anyone behind their back. We have words for this sort of behavior: Gossip. Slander. Badmouthing. Talkin’ sh… mack. When your spouse does this to you, it feels extra hurtful and violating. When your spouse’s words find their way…
Steps to a Productive Marriage Check-In
In your marriage, have you ever: Let an issue fester to the point it felt impossible to talk about? Left the kids somewhere because you thought your spouse would get them? Worked late and forgot an important family event? Been disappointed about something but never stopped to work through it? Staying on the same page…
What Does It Mean to Put Your Spouse First?
What Does It Mean to Put Your Spouse First? I remember the conversation like it was yesterday. The Puzzled Look on my daughter’s face turned to a smile, and then came the proverbial rolling of the eyes (and that’s a good thing). Here’s the conversation: Daughter: You’re really not going to be at our basketball…
What To Do When Your Marriage Lacks Emotional Safety
Married, yet hiding from your spouse. Such is life when you don’t feel emotional safety in your marriage. There are parts of you, your personality, dreams, feelings, or thoughts, locked inside, unavailable to your spouse. Exposing them puts you at risk for rejection, criticism, or neglect. You don’t wanna live like this anymore. You want…
How to Find a Counselor Who Will Fight for Your Marriage
The hero saves the princess. He rescues her from the evil stepmother, eternal sleep, or whatever danger she faces. With one kiss, they live happily ever after. That was the childhood goal, right? Happily ever after? What the stories failed to tell us is that happily ever after doesn’t just happen. My wife and I…
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