August 26 | Shhh!🤫 - First Things First

August 26, 2022

tips & tricks for growth

when your spouse talks badly behind your back…

Let’s be clear about one thing: It’s inappropriate to talk negatively or disclose sensitive personal details about anyone behind their back. We have words for this sort of behavior: Gossip. Slander. Badmouthing. Talkin’ sh… mack. When your spouse does this to you, it feels extra hurtful and violating.

When your spouse’s words find their way back to you, you have every right to feel hurt, angry, and betrayed. It’s completely understandable. Now, it’s time to make it relationally productive.

We expect our spouse to have our back, not talk behind it.

Even if your spouse believes what they said to be true, or if it’s their personal opinion, this kind of behavior cannot be justified.

You’re sure your spouse was talking about you – and it wasn’t good

How do you talk to them about it?

GET TIPS

love bombed? here’s what to do

Love bombing can sometimes be mistaken for the honeymoon phase of a marriage. There are stark differences, though. Psychoanalyst Babita Spinelli, L.P.¹, says, “in the honeymoon phase, love is shown by a desire to focus on what the other person is interested in. Gestures tend to be thoughtful and not with an intent to impress.” The difference between genuine love and love bombing lies in the intent. Love bombers shower their partner with affection while expecting something in return. Love bombing is about control.

How do you know if you’re being love bombed?

Here are some red flags therapists and counselors have identified.

Your gut tells you something isn’t right.

They buy you extravagant gifts.

They overwhelm you with compliments.

They communicate non-stop.

The relationship feels unusually intense.

They demand all of your attention.

They do not like any boundaries you establish.

You feel uneasy with their level of affection.

You feel like you owe them.

They know a lot about you, but you know very little about them.

The difference between love bombing in marriage and healthy displays of love is your spouse’s motivations and intentions. Love and affection with strings attached may be love bombing. Have a conversation with your spouse, set appropriate boundaries, and seek help if needed.

WHAT TO DO ABOUT LOVE BOMBING

what we’re lovin’

This week’s picks come from Tamara Slocum, our Creative Strategist. She’s been married to her college sweetheart, Bobby, since 2012 and together they have 3 amazing girls (6 yrs old and under!) Whew. 😅 She’s got her hands full and still took the time to give her recommendations because they are just THAT GOOD. Check ’em out:

📖 Read: The Cormoran Strike Series by Robert Galbraith (aka JK Rowling) Love detective, murder mystery, suspense novels? Then you’ll totally stan this series! Start with the first book of the series: The Cuckoo’s Callingand go from there. The sixth book of the series, The Ink Black Heart, is launching on Aug 30th and you better believe I’ve got it pre-ordered! (There’s also a BBC miniseries based off of it called C.B. Strike on HBO Max… highly recommend as well!)

🌱 Wanna learn how to eat cleaner? Follow @wakeupandreadthelabels on IG – and rethink all of your life choices. (JK, but seriously…) If you’re like me and have tried eating healthier, plant-based foods but you’re still feeling tired and bloated all the time… there’s a reason. It’s called “greenwashing” and Food Coach Jen Smiley breaks down why most so-called healthy foods (aka gluten-free, dairy-free, etc) are actually still causing inflammation in your body. NO bueno! Learn how to read labels so you can eat clean and feel better.

💰 Need some extra $$$? (Don’t we all?) Get the Ibotta App. Just link your grocery rewards card or submit your receipt for instant cash back. So many deals, so little time (for stuff you were gonna buy anyway!)