when your fiancé talks badly behind your back…

Let’s be clear about one thing: It’s inappropriate to talk negatively or disclose sensitive personal details about anyone behind their back. We have words for this sort of behavior: Gossip. Slander. Badmouthing. Talkin’ sh… mack. When your future spouse does this to you, it feels extra hurtful and violating.

When your fiancé’s words find their way back to you, you have every right to feel hurt, angry, and betrayed. It’s completely understandable. Now, it’s time to make it relationally productive.

We expect our future spouse to have our back, not talk behind it.

Even if your fiancé believes what they said to be true, or if it’s their personal opinion, this kind of behavior cannot be justified.

You’re sure your fiancé was talking about you – and it wasn’t good

How do you talk to them about it?

love bombed? here’s what to do

Love bombing can sometimes be mistaken for the honeymoon phase of a marriage. There are stark differences, though. Psychoanalyst Babita Spinelli, L.P.¹, says, “in the honeymoon phase, love is shown by a desire to focus on what the other person is interested in. Gestures tend to be thoughtful and not with an intent to impress.” The difference between genuine love and love bombing lies in the intent. Love bombers shower their partner with affection while expecting something in return. Love bombing is about control.

How do you know if you’re being love bombed? 

Here are some red flags therapists and counselors have identified.

• Your gut tells you something isn’t right.

• They buy you extravagant gifts.

• They overwhelm you with compliments.

• They communicate non-stop.

• The relationship feels unusually intense.

• They demand all of your attention.

• They do not like any boundaries you establish.

• You feel uneasy with their level of affection.

• You feel like you owe them.

• They know a lot about you, but you know very little about them.

The difference between love bombing in marriage and healthy displays of love is your future spouse’s motivations and intentions. Love and affection with strings attached may be love bombing. Have a conversation with your fiancé, set appropriate boundaries, and seek help if needed.